Tribute to my Brother

Today is my brother’s birthday.

I remember all the things we got into together growing up. I remember playing softball in the field, going swimming in our above ground pool; I remember going sledding with you across the road when there was a great big field there instead of houses. I remember going down to the sandpit to try our hand at skiing with a set of dad’s old ski’s….and then wiping out and spraining my ankle so bad I couldn’t walk. You were so upset you cried and dragged me all the way home, worried about me. I remember you babysitting my son and reading him books and enjoying just doing childlike things with him, because you were so childlike. Remember Gilligan’s island? You would watch it with Cass, enjoying watching it for the 100th time.I remember going to Sudbury ski program with you and thinking you could never learn how to stay up on skis, but you gave it a good try. Walden Pond…..swim lessons, mom was so good sending us on so many different things. Though now as an adult I think she just may have spent the money on these lessons to get us out of the house! I remember Mr. Gorman taking you under his wing and trying to get the other kids to stop bullying you. I remember the fights I would get into on the bus, trying to stop those teenagers in the neighborhood from making fun of you and picking on you. So many times…..

And so the story goes...... 

My brother was not mainstream, he had issues; all this before “special education” and the new anti bullying crusade was started. He was placed into the main flow of kids and he was just the type that they would single out and torment. When I entered Peter Noyes school I wanted to be separated from him….I rejected him and pretended I wasn’t related to him. I was a normal teenage girl that wanted to have friends….When he attended Minuteman Technical High School instead of our local town high school I was so happy…I could finally be unattached to the legend of Joe…How I look back now and regret my actions and wish I could change my behavior. But I do realize I was just a kid…..

He was bullied from schoolmates all the way into adult hood where he worked at a lumber company. Adults were no different from the kids at school; people took advantage of his good nature and lack of street smart. If he was born in a different era I am sure it would be a different life for him with more protection available.

While working at Emerson Hospital, (the area community hospital, where we were born at and my mother was an L&D nurse for 24 years) one day I was floated up the psych floor, where I noticed that one of the boys that bullied my brother was residing for a severe psych issue. My thought was…bygones, past, it is all over, I am a professional and I do not hold grudges. My brother had passed away the prior year and the hurt was still very real. Sometime during the day the man came up to me and stated he remembered me and just wanted to say how sorry he was about my brother and how he wished he could take all the bullying and assaults he tormented my brother with for so many years back. He was living with guilt. We all had that.

He wasn’t born that way, my brother, he was really ill when he was an 5 or 6. I think mom told me once or twice he had German measles which developed into encephalopathy. This sort of made his brain into a sponge and did some things to him that could not be reversed. He was developmentally behind all of his life.   Having a child myself I can now fully understand how my mom and dad felt watching while their son was so ill. My son too, almost died in infancy, it is heartbreaking…..I can only imagine my dad and mom and the heartbreak they must have lived through.

My father and Cass planting a Garden, while my mom and Joe
supervised!

He was a favorite to my Nana and my ma. He did lots for them around their houses. He also loved animals, we had two dogs growing up, Cookie and Sookie. Cookie liked to bring us home things from my Grandmothers barn…dead cats, squirrels, etc. He hunted down by the brook we had on our property, one day he was shot by a neighbor or just some jerk that may have thought our dog was a deer or something. I found Cookie, but my brother Joe had to bury him, I was with him and as my brother dug the hole for our dog, he cried like a baby. He loved that dog so much. To this day I feel his pain in my heart and my eyes still tear up.

Graduation from Minuteman Technical High
School

My brother died some 20 plus years ago, his death was unnecessary. He was just a few years older than me. I do wonder all the time how he would be as an older man. I wonder a lot about why he is gone.

Looking back, here under my Bodhi tree, I can truly say that I learned so much from my brother. I learned feelings and emotions count, I learned not to pick on others and accept differences. I learned that life can be one great big circle, what you put out can and does come back to you. I learned that the people in our lives are important and should be treasured…they may not be here tomorrow.

My tribute to my brother is I hope he is up in heaven, eating hard salami and driving his red truck. I hope he and my mom are playing bingo and beating the pants off everyone. I hope he is happy and enjoying good faithful friends and laughing with people. I hope he is swimming and catching frogs and our dog cookie is by his side. I hope he found love. 

Joesph Peter you were an outstanding older brother, I thank you for the good times and pleasant memories, the bad times with the lesson learned, and the laughs....Still today I find myself laughing when I hear some small child telling a sibling..."I'm telling mom!"

I miss you brother.