Today is my brother’s birthday.
I remember all the things we got into together growing up. I remember
playing softball in the field, going swimming in our above ground pool; I
remember going sledding with you across the road when there was a great big
field there instead of houses. I remember going down to the sandpit to try our
hand at skiing with a set of dad’s old ski’s….and then wiping out and spraining
my ankle so bad I couldn’t walk. You were so upset you cried and dragged me all
the way home, worried about me. I remember you babysitting my son and reading
him books and enjoying just doing childlike things with him, because you were
so childlike. Remember Gilligan’s island? You would watch it with Cass, enjoying watching it for the 100th time.I
remember going to Sudbury ski program with you and thinking you could never
learn how to stay up on skis, but you gave it a good try. Walden Pond…..swim
lessons, mom was so good sending us on so many different things. Though now as an
adult I think she just may have spent the money on these lessons to get us out of
the house! I remember Mr. Gorman taking you under his wing and trying to get
the other kids to stop bullying you. I remember the fights I would get into on
the bus, trying to stop those teenagers in the neighborhood from making fun of
you and picking on you. So many times…..
And so the story goes......
My brother was not mainstream, he had issues; all this before “special
education” and the new anti bullying crusade was started. He was placed into
the main flow of kids and he was just the type that they would single out and
torment. When I entered Peter Noyes school I wanted to be separated from him….I
rejected him and pretended I wasn’t related to him. I was a normal teenage girl
that wanted to have friends….When he attended Minuteman Technical High School
instead of our local town high school I was so happy…I could finally be
unattached to the legend of Joe…How I look back now and regret my actions and
wish I could change my behavior. But I do realize I was just a kid…..
He was bullied from schoolmates all the way into adult hood where he
worked at a lumber company. Adults were no different from the kids at school;
people took advantage of his good nature and lack of street smart. If he was
born in a different era I am sure it would be a different life for him with
more protection available.
While working at Emerson Hospital, (the area community hospital, where
we were born at and my mother was an L&D nurse for 24 years) one day I was
floated up the psych floor, where I noticed that one of the boys that bullied
my brother was residing for a severe psych issue. My thought was…bygones, past,
it is all over, I am a professional and I do not hold grudges. My brother had
passed away the prior year and the hurt was still very real. Sometime during
the day the man came up to me and stated he remembered me and just wanted to
say how sorry he was about my brother and how he wished he could take all the
bullying and assaults he tormented my brother with for so many years back. He
was living with guilt. We all had that.
He wasn’t born that way, my brother, he was really ill when he was an 5 or 6. I think mom told me once or twice he had German measles which developed
into encephalopathy. This sort of made his brain into a sponge and did some
things to him that could not be reversed. He was developmentally behind all of
his life. Having a child myself I can
now fully understand how my mom and dad felt watching while their son was so
ill. My son too, almost died in infancy, it is heartbreaking…..I can only
imagine my dad and mom and the heartbreak they must have lived through.
 |
My father and Cass planting a Garden, while my mom and Joe
supervised! |
He was a favorite to my Nana and my ma. He did lots for them around
their houses. He also loved animals, we had two dogs growing up, Cookie and
Sookie. Cookie liked to bring us home things from my Grandmothers barn…dead
cats, squirrels, etc. He hunted down by the brook we had on our property, one
day he was shot by a neighbor or just some jerk that may have thought our dog
was a deer or something. I found Cookie, but my brother Joe had to bury him, I
was with him and as my brother dug the hole for our dog, he cried like a baby.
He loved that dog so much. To this day I feel his pain in my heart and my eyes
still tear up.
 |
Graduation from Minuteman Technical High
School |
My brother died some 20 plus years ago, his death was unnecessary. He
was just a few years older than me. I do wonder all the time how he would be as
an older man. I wonder a lot about why he is gone.
Looking back, here under my Bodhi tree, I can truly say that I learned
so much from my brother. I learned feelings and emotions count, I learned not
to pick on others and accept differences. I learned that life can be one great
big circle, what you put out can and does come back to you. I learned that the
people in our lives are important and should be treasured…they may not be here
tomorrow.
My tribute to my brother is I hope he is up in heaven, eating hard
salami and driving his red truck. I hope he and my mom are playing bingo and
beating the pants off everyone. I hope he is happy and enjoying good faithful
friends and laughing with people. I hope he is swimming and catching frogs and
our dog cookie is by his side. I hope he found love.
Joesph Peter you were an outstanding older brother, I thank you for the good times and pleasant memories, the bad times with the lesson learned, and the laughs....Still today I find myself laughing when I hear some small child telling a sibling..."I'm telling mom!"
I miss you brother.
